Life Changes when Foster Children Arrive

My last post talked about how busy foster parents are when juggling the needs of a family.  After reading a comment from one of my readers, I realized that welcoming a foster child into the home produces a domino effect of changes in the family that I did not address in "Juggling".  I would like to send a big "Hello" to Foster Dad  who made a comment on one of my posts (thanks for visiting my blog!).  That comment led me to his blog that stirred up all kinds of memories I had pushed to the back of my brain.  His blog is at http://www.fostercaredad.com/.  Foster Dad is documenting his journey though foster parenting and is at the beginning of the road, processing paperwork and winding his way through the licensing process.

How much will my life change with a child in the home?  I stopped asking this question a long time ago because my home has more of a sports team atmosphere where children come and go fairly regularly.   There was a time (a long, long time ago) when it was just me and my husband living in a little house and dreaming of welcoming children to our home.  I am confident in saying that couples with no children who are diving into foster care will face the most substantial changes in their lives.  A child (of any age) has a way of taking over a household and filling up the house.  All of a sudden, life revolves around this small person who requires constant care.  All new parents face this sudden change in their lifestyle with little regard to how the child arrives.  Parents who are welcoming a new baby to their family can prepare and buy all the things that a small infant needs.  Parents who are adopting internationally are matched before traveling and know the age and sex of the child arriving.  This helps the preparation process immeasurably.  Foster parents are just waiting for an unknown child to arrive. We generally have chosen an age range and have some idea of what is coming but what is ahead can be very cloudy.  For instance, if a foster parent is awaiting a placement in the 0-5 age range, car seats have to be considered.  An infant will need an infant seat and a toddler will need a toddler seat.  If the child is almost six, you may be looking at a booster seat.  Which car seat should I buy to be prepared?  This question can be repeated for beds and clothing too.   It is safe to say that material preparation is a little challenging in foster care.

Foster parents go through training to try and anticipate some of the challenges ahead.  Training is a very important part of the preparation process.  PRIDE training is required and covers a lot of ground, but I also recommend going to support groups to get a flavor for what life is like for foster parents who already have a placement.  If you have time, continue to attend training classes, even if you have already fulfilled your required hours.  I love to read, so I spent my preparation time reading anything that related to children.  I read behavior books, pregnancy books, and foster care books.  I read anything that sparked my interest because it helped me feel more prepared.  Of course, do not forget about the Internet.  Reading blogs is an amazing way to gain knowledge about what is ahead.

Here are some quick and practical ways that you life is going to change.  Sleep is always the first thing sacrificed.  Either you are caring for a baby or worrying about an older one.  Either way, a good night's sleep is not in the cards any longer.  Meals become more complicated.  The days of just grabbing something on the fly are over.  Children need regular meal times with more than one item on the plate.  Plan on more trips to the grocery store.  School lunches, formula and picky eaters pretty much guarantee  daily stops at the grocery store.  Plan on more time in the car.  Trips to school or day care will become your normal route.  Stock your car with magazines or a good book for those times when you are stuck waiting in your car.  It will happen a lot.   Doctors, teachers and case workers are going to become the people you chat with on the telephone everyday.

You will miss sleeping soundly and having free time to do anything you wish.  However, I have found that children have a special way of filling up your day in the most wonderful ways.  Looking back, I cannot remember what I did with an entire day without a child in it.  I have a hard time imagining returning to that state when my kids are grown.  It is a wonderful and amazing ride to nurture a child.  I am sure that fear of the unknown will try to overtake your mind when you are waiting for that first placement.  Ignore it.  The best times of your life are just around the corner!