Sex-trafficking Sting Highlights Vulnerability of Foster Children

This article bothers me on so many levels that I have to say something about it!  Here is the link to read it:

http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-child-sex-20130730,0,1571781.story

The statistic at the end of the article is more disturbing than anything else.  Here is the quote, "Half of sexually trafficked minors in California come from the foster care system. By comparison, fewer than 1% of all children in California are foster children."  Half of them!!!!!  

I know what the answer to this problem is.  It is very simple and very basic.  The system needs a lot more caring foster families.  A foster family who cares about a lost child provides structure, expectations, and love.  They are able to show a child what a real family is like.  These children come from tragic circumstances and often the basics of a normal family life can be life changing.  What are the basics?  It starts with 3 meals everyday.  Most children entering foster care have never had that.  Next is a parent that cares about the child and shows it each day by providing affection or a listening ear.  Basic rules of a household such as, going to school everyday, getting along with others in the household, and no stealing.  Building bonds of trust and love are the building blocks of a child learning right from wrong.  I have seen this magic work many times.  

Where do children go if there are no foster homes available?  Case workers and licensing workers are amazing people.  They work hard to find a home for a child by searching out relatives (good and bad), calling and begging current foster families to take just one more child or finding a residential treatment center.    The Department of Human Services connects with private agencies and the spreads the word when a child needs a home.  More foster homes in every single state would mean that children would be cared for in the best situation possible and not as they currently are with overworked case workers and overloaded foster homes. 

One family could make the difference for one child.    If you are thinking about fostering a child, I urge you to do more than just thing about it.   The work that foster parents do is nothing short of a miracle.  I hope you will consider saving a child from the kind of tragic circumstances described in this article.  All it takes is love.

Preparing for the First Placement

So you have spent hours in training class and had several visits with your licensing worker.  You have bared all the personal details you can possibly imagine in the name of completing a home study.  You have passed all the tests and now the waiting game begins.  The waiting period is always the worst time for me emotionally as each day goes by and I managed to dream up a thousand worst case scenarios.

How long is the wait going to be for that phone call?  The answer to this question depends upon what age and type of child you are waiting for.  In Michigan, there are not enough foster families to serve all of the children in need of a home.  If you are willing to provide a home to a child between the ages of 12-21, you will receive a call within 24 hours of completing your license. I am really not kidding about that!  This age group represents the area of greatest need in Michigan.  If you are willing to provide a home to a child between the ages of 5-12, I am pretty sure your phone will ring within 30 days (sooner if you will take sibling groups).  If you are signed up for the 0-5 year old age range, you may be waiting for awhile.  Michigan has many families waiting to help a young child within this age range and the wait will depend on your counties needs.  Again, the wait will be shorter if you are willing to take a sibling group.  Please keep in mind that the times and ages are not an official statistic.  This is based upon my own personal experience as a foster mom and as a licensing worker in Michigan.  I have fostered a wide range of children in my home and I have found that after the first placement, the calls come pretty regularly after the first one.

How should I prepare the bedroom and for clothing?  After the licensing process, you should have bedroom furniture and a place for clothing already taken care of.  It is impossible to buy clothes in advance because of the wide age range of possibilities and gender.  I like to have a some loose pajama's and sweat pants that may just do in a pinch.  What is more important is to have helper on call to run to the store just in case.  My husband always served this function but I have also used grandparents and close friends.  Remember that some children arrive with clothing and some with none at all.  One of my baby placements came with diaper bag that had a too small t-shirt , 1 diaper and the clothes he had on.  He had not had a bottle in hours because of the transition from his home, to the agency, and then to me.  My husband ran to the closest store for formula and some bottles while I tried to keep the little guy calm.

I had another child arrive in clothes that were filthy and damp.  He was 6 years old and very embarrassed that I wanted him to take a bath as soon as he arrived.  The pajama's I had on hand worked while my husband made another run to the store. 

Can I set up daycare ahead of time?  Most of us are working parents, including foster parents and day care is important.  I made some calls to the daycare centers near my home to see if they are properly licensed and able to accept a foster child.  Some centers are very willing and able to do this.  Others are not.  Your agency may have a list available of day care centers that are foster child friendly.  It is very valuable to have a neighbor, family member, or friend who can provide temporary care until you get things set up.  In my case, my mother in law is retired and was always willing to lend me a hand.  Keep in mind that the transition to your home is a difficult one for the child.  Everything that is familiar has been replaced with something new.  You may want to take some time off of work to ease the transition process.  I have found that 2-3 days is a pretty good guess.

What about school?  If you are preparing to foster a school age child, it is helpful to know the location and contact information of the schools in your area.  All agencies do their best to keep children within their own school system but because of the shortage of foster families, this may not be possible.  The public school system is able to enroll a child quickly and are very easy to work with.  I had a teenager placed with me that had to change schools and it was very simple to call the local high school and set up a meeting.  They had her all set to attend the next day.  The school will contact the child's previous school to obtain records and may call you with concerns as soon as they have the records.  Many foster children need extra services so don't panic if this happens.  Set up a meeting with the school's social worker.  This person will be able to lend you support and answer your questions.

What about medical care?  Your agency may have a list of doctors who take the insurance provided by your state.  It was a revelation to me to find out that not all doctors will see my foster children.  I started my research by asking the doctor I had taken my biological children too if he accepted the state's medical plan.  He did not but was able to refer me to a very nice place.  I used this place for all of my foster children after that. 

With each new placement, I felt like  I was walking a new path.  Each child has their own special needs that will take some creativity to meet.  I found that asking a lot of questions helped me to learn where to go and what to do.  Start by asking your case worker first.  This person is your most valuable resource.  Join a foster parent support group as soon as you can because these are the people who know the insider information.  They love to share!  I have also found  people within my circle of friends who are more than willing to lend a hand when they find out you are helping a child.  Good luck on this amazing journey!

Traveling With Foster Children

I realized lately that I have been wandering to far into my own personal life on this blog.  I want to get back to offering practical information for readers.  I think there is a significant lack of practical information out there right now for those who are currently fostering children.  In my family, summertime is the time to travel.  The children are out of school and I have usually neglected my extended family during the wintertime.  And to be brutally honest, the children in my household are bored silly after the joy of school ending has passed.  We have a pool and a trampoline that keep them pretty busy but there is nothing like a change of scenery.

Traveling with foster children always adds a few extra loops to the process that may seem overwhelming but it will be worth the extra time in the long run.  Always make sure that your case worker is fully informed about your plans.  I have found that I mentally absorb my foster children into my family and it often takes some extra thoughts for me to remember that this child does not belong to me.  I cannot just go wandering around the United States without providing full contact information and a detailed itinerary to the right people.  The case worker should be at the top of your list when you are forming your travel plans.  I have found that if I am just traveling within my home state, that it is a simple matter of providing the necessary information to the case worker.  However, things can get a little more complicated when visiting another state.  I like to request a letter from my caseworker that includes information about my family as the foster family and a statement about permission to travel with the child.  If I have positive relationship with the birth parents, I will keep them informed also.  Traveling can mean that children will miss some important visitation dates with birth parents.  Make plans in advance for the child to chat on the phone with their parents while they are traveling.  Sharing the new experience with their parents is often a great new avenue of conversation.

When I first began to foster children, I headed up north to visit my mother.  She lives about 250 miles away within my home state.  My mom was very nervous about this extra addition to our family and worried about how to act.  We chatted about it and decided that we would just do the same things that we always do when I visit.  We settled on taking the kids to a Putt-Putt course.  I love doing this because I can chat with my mom while the kids are having fun and we get some great pictures.  My latest foster child had never been Putt-Putting before and at 8 years old, she was the perfect age to enjoy it.  My mother was captivated by this child's reaction to such a simple activity.  The child sparkled with laughter and excitement through every hole.  My mom could not believe that such a simple activity could bring such joy to a child.  Many of the children who come into care have never experienced even a simple family vacation.  For me, it is a magical thing to give a child a new experience and create a happy memory for them to treasure, no matter where life may take them.   My mother has now caught the bug of creating new memories and loves to take the children places they have never been before.

Sometimes it is not possible to take a foster child on vacation because of cost or other restrictions. Sometimes a foster family just needs to take a break and get away for awhile and that is okay too. Do not feel bad or guilty if you need to find a substitute caregiver and take a breather.  Again, it is important that the case worker is fully informed of these kinds of plans.  A caseworker can be a big help in finding another foster family willing to take care of your foster child for a short time.  I think the best advice I can offer a new foster family is, "Do not change the things that you do just because a foster child has come to your home."  If you travel, keep traveling.  If you host a big family gathering every year, keep doing it.  Foster children need to experience normal everyday family life.  It is one of the greatest gifts a foster family can give a child.