Foster Parent Respite Day a Success!

I wrote this article to submit to a newspaper but I thought my blog readers might be interested also.  As a side note, I have found that reporters are very interested in helping agencies to spread the word about foster care.  If you have an event or a foster care experience to share, a newspaper is a great place to educate people in a positive way about foster care. 

May is a special month for foster children and foster families in Michigan.  National Foster Care Month is a time for private agencies and the Department of Human Services to connect and raise awareness of the approximately 14,000 children in foster care in Michigan.  On Saturday, May 19^th at Grace Fellowship Church in Ypsilanti, the fellowship hall rang with the laughter of 24 of Washtenaw County’s foster children.    The event is called Foster Parent Respite Day and organizers hope it will become annual event.  Foster parents were able to drop off the children in their care for three hours and enjoy a day off from their daily work load.  Volunteers set up activity stations for the children to enjoy that included face painting, arts and crafts, and outdoor activities.  At each station, children could earn a sticker to be exchanged for a prize at the end of the day.  The afternoon began with pizza, chips and fruit, followed by station activities.  The WII station with dancing and Mario Brother’s games was one of the most popular areas to play at.  Children’s ages ranged from 0-14 years old.  Activities seemed to appeal to all ages, especially the large kickball game going on outside.  The special day neared its end as the kickball players came in for an ice cream sandwich and a last trip to any station they might have missed. 

This amazing event was created by Washtenaw Department of Human Services and Hands Across the water.  Four additional agencies sent helpers to create a successful day, including:    Fostering Futures, Catholic Social Services, Lutheran Social Services and Orchard Children Services.  These agencies often work together as a Coalition to address the needs of foster parents.   Another function of the Washtenaw Coalition is educating people interested in becoming foster parents.  Currently, Michigan is facing a severe shortage of foster parents.  If you are interested in helping Michigan’s children by becoming a foster family, please contact Kristen at kristen@hatw.org.

Freebies for Foster Kids

A few months ago, I was asked to be on a panel and share my experiences as a foster parent at a Faith Coalition meeting.  I enjoyed the experience of sharing and listening to the other foster parents share their stories.  A question and answer session followed and the discussion soon centered on the financial challenges of foster families.  My experience has been with younger children and I have found many resources to help me with clothing and toys.  Second hand clothing stores are easy to find for young children.  Garage sales are great places to look for cheap toys and strollers.  People at my church have been very generous with hand-me-down items or helping me search for a specific need.  When an audience member asked a question about obtaining things for a foster child, I quickly answered that help and resources are pretty easy to come by.  The rest of the panel disagreed and sent me some downright dirty looks about the issue.  For the rest of the meeting, I sat and wondered if I am just an optimistic person wearing rose colored glasses or just naive about finances.  Fundraising and volunteering are a part of my job as a social worker and I am pretty comfortable in the role.  Since my panel event, I have tried to figure out how I can fill this need for foster parents.  My philosophy is that foster families are opening their home and their hearts to a stranger and deserve as much financial and emotional support as we can provide them.  Hands Across the Water shares my philosophy.  Our office has items just waiting to be used.  A crib, infant car seats, and diapers are just a few of the items that are there for the asking.  I also often hear about various types of events for foster kids that are free through emails that I receive.  I have been surprised by the creativity of people offering programs for our kids.  Some of the latest things I have discovered are free sport camps in Washtenaw county and free college tuition (that is a big one!), and various picnics.  Christmas time is a huge time for foster children freebies too.  Agencies and the Department of Human services want to help foster kids in anyway that they can.  So do not be afraid to ask what services are available if you have a foster child in your home.  I am a cup half full kind of girl and I am willing to ask for anything for my kids. I offer the same advice to you.  If you would like to put your foster child in a recreational activity, inquire about scholarships.  If you need clothing, let your pastor or minister know that you have a need.  If you are just looking for fun things to do in the summer time, search the Internet and contact the place you want to go.  I have found that businesses rarely turn down a child in need.  Saying the words "foster child" is a big door opener.  Do not worry about rejection.  Most places have a policy in place for donating services and will be happy to explain it to you.  If you are not comfortable asking (and I a know that many people aren't), ask your agency or social worker to do it for you.  We are here to help and we often have connections or relationships with people willing to help out.  If I were on that panel today my answer would still be the same.  The services and funding are out there for foster kids if we keep our eyes open and spread the word about what we need.  Please email me if any of the services I mentioned above are of interest to you.  I would be glad to forward the information to you.

Stay-At-Home Mom

I have a mental image of myself as a stay-at-home mom.  It is a false impression of myself because I have not been a mom with no job outside of the home for many years. However, I cannot shake the inner conviction that this is what I am.  The problem started when I became a crossing guard for the elementary school close to my home.  My kids would walk down to the corner with me and play awhile and then continue onto school when it was time.  When the foster kids came, the same thing happened.  I brought babies to the corner in car seats and did my job while they napped or had a bottle.  Now that my kids are high school age, they drive up in their cars and hang at the corner with me.  It never seemed like a real job because I am home 95% of the day.  I still have my crossing guard job and now I am also a social worker working ten to fifteen hours each week.  With two jobs, I think it is safe to say that I am truly not a stay-at-home mom anymore.  However, I made an appointment for a delivery yesterday and casually said, "anytime in the afternoon is fine.  I am a stay-at-home mom."  What????  Why did that come out of my mouth?  Of course the delivery guy could care less what my occupation really is but my mental wheels started to spin.  What am I, really?  I started to make a list of what I am (this is a nice exercise in identity exploration, by the way).  My biography reads accurately with foster mom, adoptive mom, and biological mom to start the list.  I am also a volunteer, crossing guard and a social worker.  Just to make the list longer I added daughter and sister.  I see a lot of "moms" on the list but not stay-at-home mom.  Yet this is how I think of myself for some strange reason.  My identity crisis has now begun to really bother me. 

I love being a mother.  It was all I wanted to be when I was growing up.  People would say, "that is not a job, what do you really want to be?"  So I decided that being a teacher was probably a safer answer.  I did that occupation for awhile and quickly learned that controlling 25 kids was not something I was good at.  Plus it did not feel like mothering to me.  When my three biological children arrived I was in heaven.  I wallowed in motherhood until my baby went off to first grade and I was stuck cleaning the house over and over again.  That got old really fast.  I tried volunteering and ended up running a nonprofit Little League in my town.  That took up a lot of time and I was pretty good at it, but it wasn't mothering.  More biological children was not an option because of fertility issues.  My husband felt adoption would be okay but not fostering!  He was very sure that becoming a foster parent was not something he was willing to do.  I was content to try adoption.  Well.....that did not work out quite the way I thought it would and soon I was talking him into becoming a foster parent.  First I coerced him to attend an orientation.  It was no big deal and no commitment necessary.  I am pretty sure that he went just to make me happy.  I followed that with a training class and pretty soon he was reluctantly willing to give fostering a try.  I found the perfect way to continue my career as a mother with the arrival of my first foster child. 

So here is the answer to my identity crisis.  I am a mother and I will always be a mother.  Everything else is secondary to my primary occupation of motherhood.  I found the answer to my question by accident this week.  A reporter interviewed me and my family about what it is like to be a foster family.  She asked a lot of great questions but one stuck with me.  What do you find the most surprising about foster parenting?  My answer came very quickly.  I am always surprised by the strength and intensity of the bond that  forms between me and my foster child.  It is a mother/child connection that can be as strong as my feelings for my biological child.  It is a complicated bond that is made up of trust, love, caring, and feelings of protection.  All these things put together form the definition of motherhood for me. My heart is aways at home caring for my children even when I am in a meeting or holding up my sign in the middle of the road.  I am grateful that my husband loves me enough to participate in my occupation.  I am sure that his identity is not as intensely linked to parenting as mine is. 

For those of you who are wondering, that bond does not break when the child leaves my home.  I carry those children in my heart too and I hope to see them again someday.  When I attended the opening of the Heart Gallery, a foster mom at the next table was very excited to see a past foster child of hers.  She said, "He is one of mine!"  as she dashed off to give him a hug and visit with his new family. I have many children that I call mine too.  I am a stay-at-home mom because that is where my heart will always be.  I think next time, I will take a little more pride when I announce that I am a stay-at-home mom to the delivery guy!