One of the perks of my job as a recruiter for Hands Across the Water (HATW) is that I get to attend events like the Heart Gallery Opening. The Heart Gallery travels around Michigan with professional portraits of kids available for adoptions. The portraits are displayed on banners and on televisions screens. Everywhere the Heart Gallery travels it connects children with potential adoptive families. The pictures of the children are beautiful and often capture more than just a cute face. Personalities shine through from their eyes and the location of the picture. My table was set up directly opposite the banner and there was a large picture that kept catching my eye. The young man in the picture chose to wear a hat and was leaning forward on his arms, smiling into the camera. I think it takes a lot of confidence to wear a hat in any situation. This teenager had smiling eyes that spoke of a good sense of humor. He just looked like someone I would enjoy spending time with. That is the power of the Heart Gallery. The children in the photos seem to speak through their pictures and draw people in. Professional photographer's donate their time to help these children look and feel their best in these photos. The Heart Gallery also shows me how involved these children are in their own adoption search. They participate in the photos and speak in video's about the kind of family they would like to be a part of. One young man was brave enough to speak to all of us from the stage. Many people brought children with them. There were foster children, adopted children and birth children having a good time together. Families came to celebrate the opening of this wonderful event that had touched so many lives.
Agencies (in addition to HATW) set up informational tables for anyone who would like to become licensed to be a foster parent or adopt a child. After the presentation and some lunch potential families browse the tables. There is a unique atmosphere at events like this because agencies are not working against each other as you might think. We work together to educate and help form forever families. A family can choose and agency for many different reasons. One of the biggest factors is geographic location. A family needs to be able to come to their agency to drop off paperwork and attend training. Many families choose an agency that is close to their place of employment instead of close to home. Another important factor is level of support. Adoption and foster care are often untraveled pathways for many. You will need help down the path. You will need education and support to make important decisions. Some people choose an agency based on a feeling of connection and this is important too. An agency is going to be visiting your home and delving into your personal life. I would rather share my personal information with an agency that I like and trust. My professional title is Recruitment Specialist which sounds a bit like an army recruiter or a car salesman. Finding families who want to adopt or foster is not about talking people into something that they do not want to do. Instead, it is sharing information and educating people about their choices. This is what all agencies and organizations like the Heart Gallery specialize in. The schedule of upcoming Heart Gallery events can be found at http://www.miheart.org/#!schedule. Go check it out!!
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Monday, April 23, 2012
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Bonding Activities
One of the most difficult moments for me is the first few minutes of a new placement. The social worker has walked out the door and the new foster child and I are left looking at each other. What now? Babies are easy. Get a bottle, change diaper and start snuggling. Middle age kids and teenagers are trickier. I can buy some time by showing the child where they will be sleeping and putting stuff away. It is too soon to turn on the television and that seems like cheating. This is a time to get to know each other and it does help to have some ice breaking activities in mind that can facilitate this. Are you hungry? This leads to a snack and showing the child the ropes in the kitchen. Let the child help pour or fetch a glass to begin the process of feeling comfortable. I want my kids to understand that the refrigerator is part of their territory. I want them to get their own snacks and put their dishes in the sink when done. For the first snack, I will sit down and munch too. If there are other children in the house, around the kitchen table is a great place for introductions. Usually the new child will follow the rest of the gang after snack to another activity. Do not expect that the new child is going to share every last detail of their life with you over a first snack or unpacking. Trust and bonding take time to build. Foster parents should design a few activities specifically designed to help with the building of trust. The activity can be simple such as a trip to the park or a game of cards for younger children. Teenagers love to shop for clothes and the odds are high that a new foster teenager did not bring enough clothes with them. The car ride is a comfortable place to chat or just listen to the radio together. Music can often help a quiet teen find something to talk about. Even I have managed to find a few rap songs that I can tolerate by using this method!
Many kids in foster care have never had the opportunity to play sports or participate in extra curricular activities. I love to allow them to explore a new interest by signing up for something. My eight year old foster daughter developed an interest in Tae Kwon Do and she loved it. I have the most amazing pictures of her in the white uniform and colored belt, kicking as hard as she can. Soccer is another great idea. It doesn't take a lot of prior knowledge to join in and have a good time. A uniform and a team atmosphere gives the child the gift of being normal for awhile. A foster child spends a lot of time feeling different from other kids, so normal activities are important. Keep in mind that the expense of these classes and sports have to be paid for by you and can get expensive. I have found many organizations are willing to let a foster child play for free or a reduced rate if I ask. Don't be afraid to ask because often organizations are happy to be offered an opportunity to help out.
I used to be a stay at home mom and many of my bonding activities included doing things together around the house. They may look like chores but to a child who has never done chores it can be fun. Sweeping the floor is one of my favorites because we make a game out of who can create the biggest pile of dirt (with eight people in my house, there is always enough dirt to be found!). Hanging laundry on the line is also fun. Kids can run between the sheets and play hiding games afterward. Chores should be done together for a while and in a fun way. It provides a teaching opportunity and time to talk while working. Yes, even teenagers can have fun doing chores. Mowing the grass is a teen favorite because it involves the lawn mower! Teach them how to push or ride it and do the job together. Later I let the teens earn pocket money for chores. Young men are often happy to be using their bodies in physical activity. I also cook with all my kids. Anyone is welcome to join me in the kitchen to make dinner. Shelly (17) loves to pick out our menu for the evening. She has made the "What is for dinner question?" a whole lot more fun for me.
Kids are fun to have around, so have fun with them. When we work together and play together we are creating a bond of trust and sharing that will only grow stronger.
Many kids in foster care have never had the opportunity to play sports or participate in extra curricular activities. I love to allow them to explore a new interest by signing up for something. My eight year old foster daughter developed an interest in Tae Kwon Do and she loved it. I have the most amazing pictures of her in the white uniform and colored belt, kicking as hard as she can. Soccer is another great idea. It doesn't take a lot of prior knowledge to join in and have a good time. A uniform and a team atmosphere gives the child the gift of being normal for awhile. A foster child spends a lot of time feeling different from other kids, so normal activities are important. Keep in mind that the expense of these classes and sports have to be paid for by you and can get expensive. I have found many organizations are willing to let a foster child play for free or a reduced rate if I ask. Don't be afraid to ask because often organizations are happy to be offered an opportunity to help out.
I used to be a stay at home mom and many of my bonding activities included doing things together around the house. They may look like chores but to a child who has never done chores it can be fun. Sweeping the floor is one of my favorites because we make a game out of who can create the biggest pile of dirt (with eight people in my house, there is always enough dirt to be found!). Hanging laundry on the line is also fun. Kids can run between the sheets and play hiding games afterward. Chores should be done together for a while and in a fun way. It provides a teaching opportunity and time to talk while working. Yes, even teenagers can have fun doing chores. Mowing the grass is a teen favorite because it involves the lawn mower! Teach them how to push or ride it and do the job together. Later I let the teens earn pocket money for chores. Young men are often happy to be using their bodies in physical activity. I also cook with all my kids. Anyone is welcome to join me in the kitchen to make dinner. Shelly (17) loves to pick out our menu for the evening. She has made the "What is for dinner question?" a whole lot more fun for me.
Kids are fun to have around, so have fun with them. When we work together and play together we are creating a bond of trust and sharing that will only grow stronger.
Monday, April 2, 2012
Can I Take My Foster Child to Church?
Can I take my foster children to church? This is a question often comes up when I am talking to potential foster parents. The answer involves a bit more study than just a quick yes or no. Personally, I am a person of faith. I attend church every Sunday and try and live my life according to my beliefs. I have a rule in my household that states, "If you live in my house, then you attend church." This rule tends to drive the teenagers in my household crazy because they are in a rebellious stage of life in general. The topic of church is often their favorite form of ammunition. Despite their objections, I apply this rule to anyone who happens to be in my house on Sunday morning. This includes any friends who have stayed the night, my biological children, my adopted children, and my foster children. I am sure that you can tell I have fought many battles and given my rule a lot of thought. Some of the first battles on this subject began when I wasn't sure if I should take my foster child with me. Immediately my biological children stated that if they had to go so did the foster child! I called up my social worker to ask if this was appropriate. The answer I received became the rule I live by. If the child is in my home and the birth parents have no objections then we all attend church. If the birth parent is against the idea of their child attending church then I request visitation during that specific time. My family attends church and the child gets to spend time with their parent. This method has worked out just fine for all involved.
Faith often plays a role in people becoming foster parents. Some people have told me they feel called to do the work by a higher power. Of course, faith is not the only reason people become foster parents but for many believer's it is important. There is a growing organization called Faith Communities Coalition whose primary goal is " to create a wider safety net to help recruit, support and contribute in large and small ways to the well-being of foster children and families" (http://www.saveourchildrencoalition.org/). One of their goals is to spread the word among church congregations about the urgent need for foster parents in Michigan. Current foster parents, social workers, potential foster parents and anyone else who has an interest share their ideas and learn from speakers and each other at SOCC meetings. Anyone can take this information to their own churches and spread the word. It is exciting for me to see the success this organization is having here in Michigan. Anyone can attend SOCC meetings and it is a great place to learn more about fostering children. See the website for meeting locations and dates.
I have found that when I take my foster children to church that there is an interest in what I am doing from people at my church. Many times the children in my care have received gifts at Christmas or clothing donations from my church. People want to help in anyway that they can and donations of time or goods are a valuable resource to the kids in the system. My foster kids have also found new friends at church in the youth groups. Foster children are often desperately in need of new friends and kids at church have the potential to be positive role models. At this point I feel it is important to state that I do not force my foster children to attend church or youth organizations against their will. I encourage them to do so but I also provide an acceptable alternative. For the record, an acceptable alternative is not hanging out at a friend's house or laying around watching television while the family is gone. This logic is in place mainly for older children. Younger children like to join in with everything the family is doing. Do not be nervous or afraid to ask if your foster child can go to church if that is what your family does. A foster child needs to become part of the family to heal and to grow. My recommendation is to include the child in all the things that your family does.
Faith often plays a role in people becoming foster parents. Some people have told me they feel called to do the work by a higher power. Of course, faith is not the only reason people become foster parents but for many believer's it is important. There is a growing organization called Faith Communities Coalition whose primary goal is " to create a wider safety net to help recruit, support and contribute in large and small ways to the well-being of foster children and families" (http://www.saveourchildrencoalition.org/). One of their goals is to spread the word among church congregations about the urgent need for foster parents in Michigan. Current foster parents, social workers, potential foster parents and anyone else who has an interest share their ideas and learn from speakers and each other at SOCC meetings. Anyone can take this information to their own churches and spread the word. It is exciting for me to see the success this organization is having here in Michigan. Anyone can attend SOCC meetings and it is a great place to learn more about fostering children. See the website for meeting locations and dates.
I have found that when I take my foster children to church that there is an interest in what I am doing from people at my church. Many times the children in my care have received gifts at Christmas or clothing donations from my church. People want to help in anyway that they can and donations of time or goods are a valuable resource to the kids in the system. My foster kids have also found new friends at church in the youth groups. Foster children are often desperately in need of new friends and kids at church have the potential to be positive role models. At this point I feel it is important to state that I do not force my foster children to attend church or youth organizations against their will. I encourage them to do so but I also provide an acceptable alternative. For the record, an acceptable alternative is not hanging out at a friend's house or laying around watching television while the family is gone. This logic is in place mainly for older children. Younger children like to join in with everything the family is doing. Do not be nervous or afraid to ask if your foster child can go to church if that is what your family does. A foster child needs to become part of the family to heal and to grow. My recommendation is to include the child in all the things that your family does.
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