The social worker side of me could go on and on about statistics and kinship fostering, but today I am taking a good look at my own children and wondering. My kids are not ready for marriage or producing children on purpose. The mother inside of me hopes that they do all the steps in the right order that lead to a wonderful start for my future grandchildren. I want them to start a career, fall in love, get married, and then present me with fabulous grandchildren. I remind them of the proper order of events as often as I can.
However, life is messy and does not always follow the hoped for path. My best friend became a grandmother a lot earlier than she expected. Now she shares in the care of her precious grandson and worries about the future of her daughter. A neighbor just down the street from me is raising her four grandchildren because their mother is "unable". Another friend adopted her sisters three children when it became clear that the children needed a home. These people and situations are all around us. These people share many of the same challenges that other foster parents do, plus a few more. Some have given up peaceful retirement plans to return to raising children. I can only imagine the tangle of emotions that come with unexpectedly raising children again. Resentment, anger, love, responsibility, grief, all play a part in this decision. I admire these people and their willingness to put family first in their lives.
Kinship foster parents go through the same background checks and clearances that other foster parents do and receive financial help as part of the process. Some families formally adopt their family member's children and some do not. A very few go on to foster other children in the system. Grandparents and other family members who keep a family together are special people.
Would I take in my sister children? Could I raise my grandchildren if the situation arose? I know in my heart that I would but I also know it would not be an easy road. I would like to send out a cyber hug to those who choose family first and take this difficult road.
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okay so i have a question. I'm a foster parent in michigan...and I'm wondering if I have any rights to keep a newborn baby verses the next of kin that is not related? We are picking up baby from the hospital...and we were told a kinship is getting licensed but is not related...do we have any rights to keep her versed the next of kin? Next of kin has no relationship as baby is a newborn. any insight would be greatly appreciated.
ReplyDeleteI am a kinship foster grandparent in PA. It is amazing to me the comments that I get from friends and acquaintances, and even family about taking care of my granddaughters. For me, it was never a choice, I had to, and I am happy to do it because I love them both so very much. They are as much my babies as my own babies. My mother even suggested that the girls be adopted because the work is taking a toll on me. Really??? My sister suggested that I couldn't give them "a good life" because they will never have their mother. I am their "mother" now. Some of my friends are free to comment how "crazy" I am for doing it. I am telling you, you really never know what you can do until faced with it. These girls are my sunshine everyday, and I would not trade it for the world. Do I want to do this for the next 18 years? No way, but I will if thats what it takes to make sure they are safe and loved every day of their lives.
ReplyDeletethank you. people dont understand what it means to have to love more, give more, be more to others.
DeleteI am sure that kinship care givers know exactly what you are talking about, Hawaii Dream. These people are grandparents who should be doing more relaxing in retirement. They are Aunts and Uncles who may have their own families in addition to kinship care. These people understand what it means to give selflessly to another. Thanks for sharing.
DeleteI have a question and think I found someone who can tell me!! My husband and I know that we need to raise our granddaughter as our daughter is clearly not capable, having a lot of trouble personally, and has requested we take her 3 year old daughter. My biggest concern, and what I'm online researching right now, IS the Kinship Foster Parenting and if our granddaughter would be taken eventually and put into a different foster home! This is very scary to us. We are trying to figure out the best option in how to do this. I was a foster parent up until 15 years ago to two different boys that were not family, not until they came to live with us anyway I should say. They are still our family today in our own way. But with our granddaughter, the idea is that we take her until our daughter is hopefully able to raise again one day. We want to make sure that she won't be taken from us and put somewhere else! How does this work??? I appreciate any suggestions and help possible. We already raise her pretty much day in and day out. We just need to be able to be in charge of medical care, enrolling in school, etc... Make sure she is stable and safe and healthy each day. Thanks so much and I sure hope to hear something!
DeleteGina
Hi Gina, you have a couple of options when it comes to your grandchild. You can become licensed as a foster parent and receive foster care payments from the State. The only way she would be taken from your home is if the State found evidence of neglect or abuse in your home. Otherwise, the State is truly not in the business of taking kids away. You could explore guardianship of your granddaughter. Birth mom would have to voluntarily sign papers for this to happen. The third option is to adopt your grandchild as your own. This would involve going through the home study process again. Let me know how this works out!
DeleteThank you! I made some calls today and spoke with a lady with Department of Children Services/Foster care. She said the child isn't a ward of the state and would have to become one. She did say I could call this number and make a complaint against my daughter and that my daughter wants to give custody to me for awhile.. and hopefully they could do the emergency transfer of custody through the state without interrupting her residency here with us. I prefer to that we do it through the fostering program so that she is also being held accountable and could go through some parenting classes, etc.. But if we don't go this route we will get guardianship for now.
Deletethanks so much! interesting blog to come across last night!!
I am so glad to be able to lend you hand. Good luck to you and your family!
DeleteI am a grandmother in the process of licensing to get my granddaughters out of Foster care & with me...I Love ur post....I couldn't have said it better myself! I am a mess right now, wonderingwhat tthey are doing everyday...mine are only 3 & 5 mts. I have a very strong bond with the 3 yr. Old which cps & the foster agency has said they ser that bond. Gotta do a 4 wk. Licensing starting today & they have been there since MArch 3rd..very angry...should have told me this weeks ago. God Bless all of us....we are all doing the right thing...how could we not?
DeleteI am so sorry that it took so long to connect the children with you. The system isn't perfect and we are dependent upon the children's parents for almost all our information. Many birth parents are refuse to share the names of family members who could take care of the children. The Department of Human Services gets the blame when Grandma is found several months later. I am glad that you have found each other and will be together soon. If they do not transfer the children right away, ask for visitation. You can visit with the children up to 3 times a week. That will make the transition into your home a little easier.
DeleteI took care of my niece for almost 2 years and sadly the system took her and gave her to her bio-dad. She was almost 9 and her Dad has not been involved with her since he left when she was 3, my heart is broken, her dad will not let us talk to her or see her. Laws need to be changed, biology is not everything.
ReplyDeleteBiology should not be the only criteria for where a child is placed. The best interest of the child should be the number one criteria for placement. For many years, the State of Michigan has put the needs and wants of a birth family first. However, there is change happening. Now a foster child is required to have a permanency plan in place within a year. This is tightening up the time that a birth parent has to follow their treatment plan and get their child back. It has helped eliminate children languishing in foster care for years and holds birth parents more accountable. My heart breaks for your loss and I hope that you will be allowed to communicate with your niece in the future.
ReplyDeleteI like the way you talk about this point. This was thought out and put together. A lots blogs talk about nothing exist on the net.
ReplyDeleteHow Babies Communicate
Thanks Manoj Kumar!
ReplyDeleteStriking indeed. This kind of serves the purpose of reminding us of our own obligations to our young as much as our elders actually, especially when they grow sick and couldn't leave the confines of where they stay and live, where they shouldn't be allowed to just merely thrive.
ReplyDeleteCarl @ Heal At Home
I never imagined being a grandmother before age 50, and I certainly never gave a thought to having a baby at 47. But that's what happened when her parents lost custody because of drugs. My first, gut reaction was, "Whatever baby needs!"
ReplyDeleteI watched that little girl go through five weeks of withdrawal.
Now, here I am, faced w/the prospect of adopting her. Her mother has done nothing and her father just wants to ignore it all, and it'll go away.
I still feel that I'll do whatever baby needs me to, but I am so angry at her parents! Any money we receive from the state goes to pay their bills and student loans. I am paying bills for things that I did not get, and raising a child that I did not give birth to. So, yes, I'm angry and resentful and so tired of: they're doing the best they can.
These two selfish 20 somethings have thrown our lives into chaos. I have two teenagers still here at home, and they have to sacrifice for baby and baby's selfish parents. No, I can't get you new glasses this month; no, I can't buy you that book you need. Can't do it because a drug addict is sucking my life away and I DID give birth to that baby.
Now I don't want to have to let them raise her. She is my little girl. She looks to me for comfort and praise and hugs and goodnight ritual. She knows her aunt and uncle better than her parents. I know baby better than her parents know her.
I don't know if my marriage (to her biological grandfather) would survive adopting her. But I don't want to let her go. I'm choosing my grandchild over my child.