My husband is the most supportive man on this earth. He happened to marry a woman who loves children. I am not sure that this was really the best choice for him because he was the oldest of five kids in his family. I remember when we were dating, he would talk about being the oldest in a large family. He helped out a lot and felt that he had already experienced enough of raising children. However, he was game for one or two children after we had been married for a few peaceful years. Neither one of us really had any clue where life would lead us and now we are proud parents to 6 children. How cool is that? See, now that is my attitude. My husband's is a bit more stoic in nature. When I wanted to have another baby, he would remind me that someday they would be teenagers and I should think ahead a little bit. I never did and still do not look as far into the future as I should. I am still captivated by children. I often get asked how my husband feels about the foster kids. I happily reply that he is my partner and we work together. I tend to leave out the learning curve we both experienced in the early years of fostering. Each child I gave birth too changed our marriage in small ways and so too did each foster child who entered our lives. With the biological children we adjusted to always putting them first, sleep deprivation, and a tight budget. These same challenges happen with foster kids, but they can be magnified. Putting a foster child first in our lives did not come naturally at first. It was something we had to work at by focusing and sharing the work load. Finances can be strained as funding from the state takes a few weeks to process. I am sure I could write a book on the effects of sleep deprivation in parents. That part is the hardest of all for me. In our household, Dad is focused on the practical side of things. He is the consistent one in the discipline department. He balances our financial spending to make sure I don't spend every dime we have on the children. He takes the kids out of the house and away from me when I have reached the end of my emotional rope. Our partnership has grown and bloomed as we raise children together. We argued and communicated our way though the roughs spots as most couples do.
A Dad plays an important role in raising children and again this is magnified with foster children. Many foster kids have never experienced a positive male role model in their lives (this can be reversed to where they have never experienced a positive female role model too). My husband is very good at waiting for a child to accept him. He joins in with court dates, car driving and doctors appointments whenever possible. He becomes an important feature in their lives often before the child realizes it is happening. Shelly calls me Mom and wants a mother daughter relationship with me. But she calls my husband by his first name and often tiptoes around him. Shelly was raised by her biological father and suffered abuse at his hand. She is not going to open her heart easily to another father figure. However, she knows he cares about her and will provide for her. These are some of the first steps needed to form a bond. Diamond (an eight year old past foster child in our home) also spent several months watching my husband quietly before accepting him into her life. Foster Father's have the opportunity to show foster kids what a good Father should look like. I hope that when the kids leave our home they will carry with them the image of positive parents and use that knowledge to become a positive parent themselves.
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