Extended Family

I have been blessed in my life with a wonderful extended family.  Many times my parents or my in-laws have provided a listening ear, babysitting, or financial help when my family is in need.  We support each other and look out for each other.  However, the announcement that my husband and I wished to foster children caused some in my extended family to wonder if we had lost our minds.  My husband and I had many discussions about how our decision would affect those around us.  Of course, our biological children would face the highest level of change in their lives but how would this affect Grandma and Grandpa?  This is a really important question to answer because having foster kids in my home does affect Grandma and Grandpa in a big way.  Don't forget that this will also affect Grandma and Grandpa who live far away too.  I chose to write about extended family today because one of our Grandma's (we have three in our family) did a really nice thing for Shelly this weekend.  She took her to a college hockey game.  Grandma has season tickets to just about every sport in our University town and often takes grandchildren or donates tickets to our family for a fun event.  It was Shelly's first time attending a college hockey game and she had a wonderful time.  It was a really nice thing for Grandma to do because it showed Shelly that she is a part of the family and not an outsider.  Foster kids feel like outsiders a lot even when the family works hard to prevent this perception.  It takes time to become a member of the family when you are joining the family a little late in the game.  This perception is heightened when there are family gatherings or holiday's.  The extended family also needs to work at accepting a stranger into what is usually a closed circle.   This is hard.  It is hard for everyone involved until a comfort level is reached.  It requires an open mind and an open heart.  It is also important to remember that extended family do not go through the training that foster parents do.  They are thrown cold turkey into this crazy situation.  I appreciate my family's willingness to learn and adjust because they have added an extra layer of support and love for my family and the foster kids.  When my Dad came to town for a visit he took us all out for dinner, foster kids included.  When my family went up north to visit my Mom, she took us all to the Putt Putt golf course.  This was a first time thing for the eight year old foster child I had at the time.  My mom was deeply touched by the joy this little girl showed at each new hole.  My in-laws live close by and are always available for babysitting.  This is a life saving service for a foster parent.  The memories we now have as a family are priceless for all of us.  If your extended family is nervous or doubtful about the new children in your home, be patient and reassuring.  Grandparents may enjoy a book on the subject or attend a training class with you.  Foster children need grandparents in their lives too!