A Foster Child's Chistmas

I am a bit of perfectionist, which gets me in trouble sometimes.  I want things to be perfect before I open the door and let anyone in.  This is why Christmas can be a difficult time of year for me.  The stress of buying just the right Christmas gift and not forgetting anyone on the list is enough to make me want to throw in the towel before I have even begun to shop.  When I have foster children in  my home over Christmas, my stress level can skyrocket!  There are additional gifts to buy.  I have to make sure that each child receives about the same number of things so that no one feels like the black sheep of the family.  I need to juggle the family events and make sure that extended relatives are prepared for some of the challenges that exist in our home and might happen at their home on this special holiday.  My head is spinning even as I am writing it down.

However, children have a completely different perspective on Christmas than adults do.  I would like to share some of the experiences I have had with my foster kids that make Christmas life changing for some kids.  Shelly spent last Christmas with us and it was eye opening for her.  She alternated between excitement with the preparations and boredom.  It was an interesting combination.  She would get all excited about making and decorating cookies and then quit after doing two of them.  She worried about the other kids getting more presents than she would.  I think this came from feeling afraid that she would be left out of the festivities.  I worried that she would feel uncomfortable or even unloved.  It was a difficult stretch of time for both of us.

Shelly was 17 years old at the time and had plenty of memories of Christmas times that had come before.  She spoke of years of receiving donated presents that were nice but somewhat unsatisfying.  I got the impression that one present picked out by her Dad would have filled her with love in a way that donated presents could not.  She spoke of the year her Mother decided that she and her siblings were bad and took away all the donated presents after they had opened them.  All I could do was hug her after that story came out.  I wanted more than anything to give her at least one good memory of Christmas.  I knew that I could not erase what had come before but I was going to give it my best shot no matter what.   She went to every family event we had and opened presents with the rest of my kids.  She smiled a lot that day.  She enjoyed sharing Christmas with my younger children who still believed in Santa.  At the end of the day, the presents didn't matter to her.  What was really important was being with a family that cared about her.  My hope  is that she can look back with a smile this Christmas and remembers the joy she felt last year.

I had another foster child leave my home at the end of November to return to her mother.   I missed her a great deal as Christmas drew nearer.  I was lucky enough to keep in touch with this child and her mother for a short time.  The second week of December, I found out that Diamond was not going to get any Christmas presents because her mother had not signed her up in time to receive the donated gifts she had relied on in years past.  I quickly spread the word around my church that Diamond was in need of Christmas presents.  In less than two weeks, my congregation pulled together enough to fill the back of my car.  I recruited my daughter to help me deliver the gifts to Diamond and her mother the day before Christmas.  My daughter did not want to go but I roped her in anyway.  We struggled to carry the load up the apartment steps and my daughter kept up a steady stream of grumbling all the way.  Diamond's mother met us with a smile and showed us where to put them.  My daughter fell silent as she took in the bare apartment with just a couch for furniture.  There was no television, computer or kitchen table to eat at.  It was a very bare existence.  Diamond was 8 years old that year and there is no describing the look on her face or the joy when she found out that all the gifts were for her.  She had been to church with our family and knew the women who had donated all these presents.  It was an incredible moment for me and for her.  I hugged Diamond one last time and headed down the stairs with my daughter.  She was silent most of way home, only speaking when we pulled in the driveway.  She said, "Mom, Diamond had nothing in her home."  Her eyes were huge as I looked her and said, "I know."  I thanked her for helping me and for helping to make Diamond's Christmas special.  Then I sat there and watched her change on the inside right in front of me.  She realized in that moment that our family had many things to be thankful for.  She realized that not everyone lives the same life that she does.  She realized that she had been a sister to Diamond for almost a year and that was a special thing.  Brynna was 11 years old that Christmas.  She speaks of Diamond every year now even though we have lost contact with her.

Being a foster parent is one of the most special gifts I have experienced at Christmas time.  The children I have fostered have changed my life and my children's lives.  I believe that my family has changed them for the better too.  I hope that you too can sort through the chaos and frenzy of Christmas and find those life changing moments in your children's lives.  I hope that you can give the gift becoming a foster parent to a child in need this year.