Life Goes On

Life in my household has returned to normal.  Well, as normal as it can be in a household full of people.  Last week my house seemed very empty.  Everyone went somewhere.  Jason has been in New York all summer long with a friend,  Dad went up north with Michael and Nathan for a short time.  That left me, Dylan and Brynna the only ones left at home.  I had time time to grieve for Shelly and time to read a book just for me. Alone time is very hard to come by in my world and I savored every minute of it.

The peace and quiet dissolved pretty quickly as people began to return home.  All of a sudden, the dishes are multiplying at an alarming rate and the noise level has me concerned about the neighbors.  As of today, there are ten people milling around my house.  Most are family but others are friends my kids have spending the night.  Now there is no room to have quiet moment and oddly enough no room left to grieve for Shelly any longer.  She is still in my thoughts but without the pain.  Life has moved on because there is nothing more that I can do for her unless she wants my help.

It is funny how the mind and heart adjust to a new situation  that it thought would be unbearable.  All of a sudden it is bearable.  I would say that my family is now in the remembering stage of adjusting.  Shelly's name comes up often as the family gets used to the empty spot she used to fill.  Some of the family claims there is less mess in the bathroom (not really true, but if they want to imagine cleanliness, I will let them).  People are noticing that food is lasting a little longer with one less mouth to feed.  We are still finding items that belong to Shelly.  Some are practical memories, some are sad, and some are funny.  We are now talking about Shelly a lot.  I think it helps the younger ones adjust and the older ones to vent their frustrations.

School starts next week for almost everyone and life returns to normal.  Shelly has become a good memory. I hope we made a difference in her life during the year that she spent here.  I am sure that we will see her again in the future and that is comforting to me.  I think I am ready to change her status on my biography bar too.  That probably sounds silly but I wasn't able to do that last week without some tears involved.

If you are someone wondering if you could ever become a foster parent and deal with the loss of a child, then here is my advice to you.  It hurts, we grieve, and life goes on.  It is not an unbearable loss in the larger scenario of what a foster parent is trying to do for a foster child.  The potential for positive change in the life of child is so much larger compared to this small moment of loss that you should not let the fear stop you from fostering a child.  It is an amazing journey for everyone!