Those Scary Lables on Foster Kids

Just before I started this blog, I took a class on how to blog.  The teacher of the class was very interested in my subject matter (foster parenting) and said that it was an uncommon topic.  I decided that I would not go searching around for other foster parent blogs because I did not want to be influenced by the content of another.  I broke that promise today because I could not resist the impulse to see what was out there.  As I read with fascination, I could not help noting some of the scarier stories out there.  Most of these stories included behavioral or emotional problems.  I remember during my pre-foster care training that there were certain behavioral labels that scared me.  Take a quick glance at the Michigan Adoption Resource Exchange (http://www.mare.org/) photo listing.  Under each child listed in a photo listing is four categories:  physical, emotional, mental, and learning.  Each categories is filled in from none to severe.  The first child I clicked on had severe emotional problems and moderate learning disabilities.  The second child on the list had moderate listed in all categories and the list goes on.  There is not a child on the list with an empty category.  That is scary to me as a parent.  Can I parent a child with a severe label or even a moderate label?  I have three biological children so I started to put labels on them just for grins.  I stopped pretty quickly because that got scary too!  Adoptive and foster parents have a unique problem when it comes to labels.  They are allowed to choose the type and kind of child they believe they can handle.  Biological parents are just stuck with whatever they are blessed with.  Let me put some perspective on that last statement by sharing some of the labels I think apply to my biological children.  One is aggressive, another is highly emotional, and one may have mild learning disabilities.  That equals one severe and two moderates.  I am not sure that my biological children are adoptable if I am just reading the labels!  The point of this exercise is that all children have problems.  Foster kids may have larger problems and they may have smaller problems.  It depends upon the child and the situation.  I would like to tell foster parents to read the labels but don't be scared by them.  Foster parents have access to support and services that biological parents have to work harder to find.  My 6 year old, Nathan, was born addicted to crack.  I had no idea what kind of future problems might be in store for him.  I did as much research as I could and it appeared to the kind of thing I felt comfortable handling, so I jumped in.  My social worker recommended the Early On program to me.  They came to my home and tested Nathan through play and taught me methods to help him.  An Early On social worker visited with me weekly to teach me new things and watch for new behaviors.  He went from a baby who recoiled from touch to a healthy and happy child.  I just recently had a conference with his first grade teacher and shared his background with her.  I want her to join me in watching for any red flags that may indicate a learning problem.  She was astounded at his background because there are no signs of it beyond remaining in speech.  I want to say in capital letters that these kids can be helped with some additional effort.  I have also found that these kids are survivors and they want to be helped.  The things that they have survived are far more horrific than these silly labels they now live with.  Please don't let a severe or moderate label scare you away from a child that you can help.  What children of any age need the most is parents to love them and support them.  Just love them and watch them bloom like a flower in the sun.  It is amazing!