Aging Out of the Foster Care System

 In the foster care world, there has been a lot discussion about children aging out of the system. It is a topic that I have stayed away from because it is a difficult for me to wrap my mind around. Aging out is the official term used by professionals to describe a foster care child who has technically become an adult and has been turned loose in the world. Each state has different ages when the child is termed an adult. In Michigan, the laws were changed in the beginning of 2013 to continue supporting a foster child until the age of 21. This was an exciting change for human service providers because it meant that a foster family would be able to continue parenting the child into adulthood. 

My oldest son is 22 years old and is very independent. He is attending a community college certification in auto body repair. He has a part time job in his field already and has a second job on the side at an auto parts store. As you can see, cars are his passion and he is well on his way to supporting himself. I am very proud of how hard he works and how focused he is on his goals. Would he be this successful if his father and I had decided that he didn't need any further parenting on the day he turned 18? Probably not. We continue to support him financially to help him complete his degree. We co-signed on a loan so that he could buy his first car.  His Uncle is in the auto insurance business and gave him his first job. He has worked on cars for years in our garage and used his father's tools to build his love of working on cars. As a mom, I still buy him clothing when I notice that his jeans have become too raggedy for wearing out in public. I question him to make sure he is paying his monthly bills and help him make phone calls when things get challenging. This is what my parents did for me and I believe it to be just another stage of parenting. I can't imagine cutting off parental support at 18 or 21 just because the child has reached "adulthood."

About five years ago, my daughter brought home a young man she had met in high school. His name was Matt and he was very tall. My youngest kids were fascinated by his height and he enjoyed picking them up so they could touch the ceiling. He started hanging out at the house, sleeping over, and eating some food. It was not unusual for my kids to bring home other kids who they thought needed an extra hand or something to eat. Matt fell into this category. When the stray kids start eating at my house, I start asking questions. I learned that Matt was a foster child and his foster family lived and worked at the federal prison that employs many people in my home town. At another meal I learned that he thought his foster family didn't like him very much. When he started showing up at my house during the day, I found out that he liked to skip school and may not graduate on time. At this point, I began to wonder about his foster family. How come they didn't stop him from skipping school. Why was he always spending the night at my house? As graduation neared, I found out that Matt was going to be 18 years old in June and he need a place to live. More questions produced the response that when he turned 18 he was done with foster care and his foster family was going to toss him out. Before I could pursue this problem, Matt was arrested for stealing cars and found a new home in jail for at least a year. I have not heard from him since but I think about him often.

At the time, I didn't realize that what happened to Matt was a common occurrence for foster children who are aging out of the system. These are children that have never been adopted and never sent home to their birth families but have remained in the system for years. Homelessness, jail sentences and criminal behavior are common side effects of their life in the system. I became aware of the problem when I began working as a professional in the field of foster care and found that youth aging out of the system was a common topic at meetings. Things have very recently changed for young adults in the this situation. The first change was continuing foster care support until the age of 21. The second change is an amazing number of new programs designed to help kids in this situation. There are many programs providing support in financial areas, independent living schools, and attending college. Just a few of the programs that I have come across in my work are:  Our House, The Connection,  and CareHouse. There are many more out there. If you would like more information on the services I am aware of, just send me an email. The third change in the system was in permanency planning. The system now works hard to form a permanency plan for a child in the system within one year of becoming a foster child. The child will either return home to his birth family, find a home with relatives, or become available for adoption. This is the most important change that will pay off in the long run. No longer will children just remain in the system for years until they become a statistic in jail or on the street. Foster families are playing a very important role in these changes too.

When I first met Matt, I fell into the trap of judging his foster parents. I wondered why he was running loose in the community with no supervision. I realize now that they were at the end of their rope with Matt and did not know how to help him any longer. His behavior had become unbearable on the rest of the family and there weren't any programs out there to help a child like Matt. His foster family did the best that they could under the circumstances and Matt resisted any attempts to encourage him to change. Looking at my own children, I cannot imagine pushing them out the door on their 18th birthday. They are not ready to be completely independent of the family's love and support yet. Matt's story is a common one and the blame is often placed on the foster home. They are labeled as people who are only in foster care for the money or as people who don't care The real story is that Matt's foster family did care about him and did everything they could to help him. With the changes in the system, foster families are partners with the agency and the birth family to help the child receive the services needed and find a family of their own.  I am glad that there are family's in this State that are willing to open their home's to a child in need and do everything they can to help that child succeed in life. Loving foster families are truly the key to preventing another child from becoming a statistic.