Before I launch into my monthly thoughts about foster care
and the latest topic of home inspections, I want to share a quick update on my
son Jason. I am happy to report that he
is doing very well. He has been meeting
with his probation officer as required and has made progress on arranging community
service for himself. The best part of
probation requirements for me are the monthly drug tests. He is
required to be tested each time he visits with his probation officer. This removes the responsibility from my
shoulders and also assures me that he is drug free. At least for now. To his credit, he is proud of his clean drug
tests. For other parents navigating the
world of probation, the probation office does not report on his progress to me
unless I call and ask. This fact makes
me a little crazy as a mother because my son is still a minor. Apparently the age of 17 is a shady zone where
teachers still report on his progress and he can drive a car but he can be
arrested and jailed without the knowledge of his parents. This really bugs me because he is either a
minor or he isn't and I want to know what is going on at all times! I am truly happy with his progress but I also
have not let go of my doubts about his future.
He has been through probation as a juvenile offender and did well then
too. It did not stop him from using
drugs after probation was finished back then and I am worried that he will go
right back to old habits as he did before.
I have set up some counseling for him and I am hoping that it will make a difference in the long run. One of
the hardest lessons that I have learned from parenting teenagers is that they
progress in baby steps and often take a few steps back before moving
forward. I am just going to remain in a
holding pattern for awhile and enjoy my drug free son for now.
This week's topic is about home inspections that are done by
a worker as part of the licensing process to become a foster parent. I remember when mine was done because it was
very stressful. I remember cleaning the
house from top to bottom, including the closets. At that time, I had three children between
the ages of 10 and 6 years old and 2 dogs.
Keeping a clean house with that many children and animals was a
significant challenge. When I say
"clean house" I am not just talking about picked up rooms and a clean
kitchen with no dirty pans in the sink. I
am referring to the kind of clean that only happens when I am selling my
house. This includes, no clutter, shiny
floors, no stains on the carpet and neat closets. I will freely admit that this level of clean in my house does not happen on a daily basis. It was very stressful for me and I know it is
stressful for others as well.
The home visit is usually done right at the beginning of the
process. It is an opportunity for the
social worker to get to know the family and get some paperwork done at the same
time. I will call and schedule about a 2
hour visit to complete the entire inspection.
I am always careful to let the family know that I will want to see the
entire home and take some measurements.
I also will want to measure the temperature of the water to ensure that
the water heater is set appropriately. I
believe in giving fair warning to give the family time to prepare but some
workers may not. I recommend that a new
foster family ask what each visit will involve so that there are no surprises.
In Michigan (rules may vary by state) all potential foster
families receive a rule book called, "Licensing Rules For Foster Family
Homes and Foster Family Group Homes for Children." This book contains a complete list of all
rules and regulations that a foster home must meet before the licensing process
is complete. It is green if you want to pick it out quickly from the stack of paperwork you probably already have. The four page check list
carried by the social worker is entirely based upon these rules. And
now we have reached the place where the social worker in me crashes head first into
the foster parent I used to be. The foster parent me can't believe that some
of these rules actually had to be written down, while the social worker in me is worried that someone may actually
break these rules and harm a child. Most
of these rules are common sense issues.
The home has to be up to building code standards to be a foster
home. You will need hot and cold running
water and a reliable sewer system to be a foster family. Believe it or not, some people don't
always have these things. Smoke
detectors and a carbon monoxide detector are also required. These things make perfect sense to me. What doesn't make sense is the list of places
that do not qualify as a bedroom. The
list includes: the hallway, a closet, a
stairway (on top of or under like Harry Potter!) a garage, or a shed. Who would use a shed as a bedroom in this
world? Apparently someone did because
now there is a rule in the rule book for it.
What is the social worker really looking for during the home
inspection? We are looking for a safe
and healthy environment for a child. I
know that my families are going to clean and stress over the visit but they do
not need to go overboard to scrub and organize every inch. I do not need to look in your closets (unless there is suspicious smell coming from there) and I
will not disqualify you for spider webs in the corner or the stain on the
carpet that is permanent. You made need
to finish up the bathroom that you have been remodeling for a long time or
complete the half finished deck outside.
A worker will make these recommendations as part of the home tour to
help you understand the rules and not to pass judgment on your personal living
space. Licensing workers have seen been
to a lot of homes as part of their jobs.
It is safe to say that we have seen some crazy things. The odds are good that your home is not going
to stand out as one of the crazy ones if you truly care about helping a
child. The reality of foster care is that your home will become an open
book as part of the process. Licensing
workers are only the start of the parade of people who will visit your
home. A case worker will come once a
month, the child's lawyer will visit before each court date and many service
providers will use your home as a meeting place. Don't let this scare you away from the
process. Social workers and lawyers have
homes with flaws too. My most
embarrassing moment happened when my foster son's lawyer came for a visit. I picked up and ran the vacuum to make my
family room presentable for company and went to answer the door. By the time I had answered the door and he
had removed his shoes, my dog had thrown up on the carpet, right in front of
the chair that I would have put him in! He
was a good sport as I quickly cleaned it up and moved him into the kitchen,
that I had not prepared for company.
Thank goodness he didn't mind when I had to move the breakfast dishes
from the table that I had left in order to clean up the family room for him and he even held the baby through the entire incident. I
didn't die of embarrassment as I thought that I might but I did learn to
prepare both the family room and the kitchen for a visit, just in case!
I know that there are people out there who always have a
neat and clean home that is ready for company at a moment's notice. My mother is proudly one of those people and
I admire her for it. I proudly admit
that I am not one of those people (and my mother knows this about me
too!). I have too many children and
pets to even dream of staying ahead of the mess created by day to day
living. However, my home is a safe,
mostly clean, loving environment to raise children in and that is what a child
coming into foster care really needs. So try and let go of some of that stress that is rolling around inside you at the thought of a stranger looking at your home. As I have said before, there are not enough foster parents in the State of Michigan to take care of all the children in need of homes. You do not have to be perfect or have the perfect home to be a foster parent. We will accept you as you are!
I am so thankful that I came accross this post today - my husband and I are going through PRIDE classes and will hopefully be licensed to foster/adopt in 6 -8 weeks. I so needed to hear this!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad to hear that my blog is helpful! Good luck on your journey.
DeleteIt's always encouraging to hear stories from other's that have gone through it and from caseworkers that our homes are being opened up to help the children and not to fret about the little stuff. I always tell my friends and family that when you drop in this is us as we are... nothing fake about a family!
ReplyDeleteGood for you! Fostering can be stressful anyway. I think over stressing about visits just isn't worth worrying about.
DeleteI find your blog great and insightful. People that adopt from fostering or are simply foster parents are brave and courageous! Thanks for all the work you do! I am a graduate student in a doctoral psychology program trying to answer a topic on the sight support.com - can one designate the ethnicity of a child they are interested in fostering? Thanks in advance for your answer! Cecelia Jones!
ReplyDeleteHi Grad Mom,
ReplyDeleteI am glad you are enjoying my blog. I love writing it! In answer to your question, a adoptive parent can designate or choose the race of the child they want to adopt. Race is only one area of many traits or characteristics that a parent can choose. Hands Across the Water has a child characteristics check list that is 10 pages long! Here is a short list of choices that are common: age, gender, race, siblings, emotional or physical impairments and behaviors. Some people are comfortable parenting a child of a different race and others are not. Potential adoptive parents are not screened out because of their personal preferences. It is just another source of information to help the agency create a good match between child and family.
Are there seriously people that think sheds and closets count as bedrooms for foster kids? That seems like a common sense issue to me as well! I mean, really? Even if the kid isn't from your loins, they still deserve love! Foster families need to make sure they are up to the responsibility.
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot for sharing those tips. I guess those rules are just for the safety of the children. Social workers just want to make sure that the foster home will be safe and would encourage the development of children.
ReplyDeleteSpectraInspections.com
It is always wise to get accommodations and houses inspected by professional home inspector if you are going to use those accommodations for childcare, especially.
ReplyDeleteHi, Ms.Kristen, found your blog interesting to read, how long you have been in fostering?
ReplyDeleteI am glad you enjoyed reading my blog. I love writing it. I fostered children for 4 years and closed my license after I adopted the my last 2 children. I am one of those Mom's who would like to keep every child that comes through my door. So I had to close my license when my house was full. I hope to return to fostering as my older children move out.
ReplyDeleteEnjoyed examining this, very good stuff, thanks .
ReplyDeleteHome Mold Inspection
Hi, in the next few years I'm interested in becoming a foster mom. I can't right now for a few minutes (my health for one), but I've begun preparing and planning.
ReplyDeleteI live in an older mobile home. This probably won't change by the time I'm ready, but there are a lot of improvements I'll be making in that time. One of those improvements is the floor; it may be less expensive and all around better to simply put down a new floor over the older one. I know from speaking to inspectors that this disqualifies it from being rented out, but it doesn't disqualify me from living in it (I own it). Would this stop me from being able to foster?
Thank you!