There is someone extra living at my house. I am embarrassed to say that I did not notice this fact until several days after she moved in. When she arrived, she was hidden among a group of four other teenagers. Some of those left and she spent the night here. At my house, teenagers tend to come and go often. Most of them know that they are welcome to grab a bite to eat and hang out for awhile. As a result, I am never quite sure who is staying and who is just visiting. When this young lady showed up in my kitchen on Tuesday morning when no one else was home, I started asking questions. By this time, I was pretty sure that she had spent the night on Sunday and Monday.
It is now Friday (and she is still here) and I have gotten the full story. According to her, she is taking a break from her family. According to her mother, she has run away from home. According to the parents at the bus stop this morning, I should stop feeding teenagers and they may stop hanging out! So here I am wondering how I got dragged into this situation that I do not really want to be in. I have known this girl's family for many years and I count them as good friends. This puts me in a very sticky situation. I do not want to interfere with or judge my friend's parenting style. I do not want to enable this girl to hide from her issues. I absolutely to do not want another child to support and take care of. The five children of my own keep me busy enough.
I asked the parents at the bus stop this morning why teenagers in trouble always land at my house. One Mom pointed out that my own teenagers are the ones bringing them home. I thought that was very interesting and also true. My kids do this a lot. It is not unusual for one of them to ask if someone can spend the night or join us for dinner for concerning reasons. I am always surprised that my children are compassionate people. As I look back, I believe it is because they have learned so much from having foster children in our home. Foster children come with horrific stories from their pasts and I guess my children were listening and learning. I did not go into foster care planning on turning my biological kids into better people but it is a very nice side effect.
The other reason teenagers end up at my house is because of the food. I will sheepishly admit that I an extreme couponer and have been for years. As a result, my cupboards are very will stocked with teenager food. The only requirement I ask of someone sampling my stockpile is a guess on how much I paid for a particular item. I live for the moment that I can say, "it was free!!!!" The kids love this and it often turns into a mini episode of the Price is Right. Again I have experienced an unexpected side effect to my coupon habit. My children's friends like to be at my home because of the food. This allows me to get to know them and understand who my children choose as friends. As most parents will tell you, I would rather have my kids and their friends at my house than somewhere where I have to worry about them.
I am not sure what I am going to do about the fugitive living in my house yet beyond encouraging this young lady to talk about her situation. Sometimes a friend can offer advice that a child will listen to when they won't listen to a parent. That is all I have at the moment. In the meantime, she is doing a little housework and some laundry to earn her keep. I will keep you posted.
You certainly have established that ability to connect and allow others to trust you. Hope the situation works out for the best.
ReplyDeleteI have nominated your blog for the Liebster Award. You can read more about it in my last post. It is awesome to see your continued advocacy for foster youth!
Thanks for the nomination. That is so cool!
ReplyDeleteI think it is awesome that you are willing to let an extra kid stay with you while she works things out with her parents... and the fact that her parents are allowing her to stay there, while also communicating with you, makes them sound like pretty good parents as well. There are a lot of people who would refuse to get involved in another family's troubles... and a lot of parents who, when they found out where their runaway teen was staying, would show up there and drag the kid off to a mental hospital. (I have seen this happen!) Its great that you have a community where the adults all help to look out for each other's kids!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the pat on the back and you are right about parents dragging their teen home. It does happen a lot. I have found that communication is the most important part of this equation. I open the door by saying, "your child is welcome to stay here but it is up to you. I don't want to get in the middle of your situation." I don't want to end up in the middle of a family war!
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