Blowing Sunshine

My sister-in-law has the most wonderful saying called blowing sunshine.  This is her special way of reminding me that I am being far to positive or upbeat about something that is really not that cheerful at all.  This phrase jumped right to the front of my brain as I was chatting with another foster parent about my blog.  I tend to see most things in life in a very positive way.  I guess I am just built that way or it may be a defense mechanism to all the craziness going on around me.  I know that I tend to write in this manner also.  The reality of foster parenting is not nearly as sunny a topic as I often write it.  In my defense, I tend to write more about my experiences that have happened a few years ago.  Time has a way of softening the edges of painful memories.  Regardless of blowing sunshine or raging tornadoes, I would not trade my experiences for anything in the world.

I am just like anyone else in this world with problems and emotions that often get the better of me.  Being a foster parent is just plain hard, emotional work.  My emotions can change from day to day or hour to hour.  There are moments when I love my foster children so much my I get tears in my eyes when I look at them.  Five minutes later, I feel so frustrated I could scream and there is not a drop of love to be found.  Foster children bring the worst kinds of behavior with them from their past experiences and it takes time (and more time) to change their behavior in a positive way.  I spent 6 months with one particular child teaching them not to be a thief.  This child would go to school and take school supplies from other kids desks.  One time she "borrowed" a personal item from the teachers desk.  I was horrified and embarrassed the first time the teach called me.  I went through the steps with the child of apologizing, returning the item, and punishment.  She immediately stole another item the very next week.  There was another embarrassing chat with the teacher and another round of punishment.  This cycle repeated itself for six months.  I wondered if I was a bad parent.  I wondered if she was a bad kid that could not be fixed.  I felt like a complete and total failure as a foster parent.  I cried many tears of frustration and hopelessness.  Now here is the part where I can apply the blowing sunshine phrase.  After six months, she finally learned!!!  The teacher and I formed a close relationship and worked closely together to help this child.  I learned what advocating for a child truly meant. I learned that changing a child's behavior takes a long time.  I became a better parent and now I can write about it in a positive way without mentioning the dirty looks I received from other parents at school events   (that made me want to hide in my house and never come out).  That is blowing sunshine!

I think our foster kids need someone who can look past the horrible behavior and see the potential a child has inside.  Sometimes it is very, very hard to see, but I keep looking.  I can't helping looking because I have seen the positive results of a child who learns how to overcome their behavior.  The teenagers in my house have stretched my positive thinking to its outer limits.  If I judge them by their current behavior I may be raising the most lazy, greedy, and disrespectful kids on the planet.  Even their grandparents look at me strangely when I tell them how much progress a certain teenager in my family (who shall remain nameless) has made.  It seems hopeless, maybe it is.  It depends on what day you ask me.  My answer to all doubting relatives is that I am not going to give up on my kids.  I will keep working with them, hoping for the best, and  keep on blowing sunshine no matter what life throws at me.