Attachment Issues

A lot of educational classes are offered on the topic of attachment for potential adoptive parents.  This topic can fill several hours of training all on its own.  I remember wondering if attachment was going to be a problem for our family when we finally received our placement.  The topic was so worrisome that I remember thinking that I would just have to cross that bridge when I came to it.  I never received that hoped for placement and soon entered the world of foster care where the word attachment has a completely different meaning.
Many people have said to me that they could never do foster care because they are afraid they will grow so attached to the child that it would be heartbreaking to let them go.  I understand this statement completely and I struggle for a good answer to this conundrum.  A foster parent's job is to welcome a child with open arms, make them a part of the family, love them like our own, and then let them go.  When I became a foster parent, my intention was to adopt the child, so I brushed under the rug idea of letting go.  (Hmmm, I am beginning to see a pattern here.)
Before I share my story, I think it is important to point out the importance of attachment from a foster child's point of view.  Many foster kids have never been shown unconditional love or formed a bond of trust with their birth parents.  They have a desperate need to be loved and to trust an adult but they do not know how to create this bond.  Studies have shown that if children do not learn to love and trust someone in childhood, that they may not be able to form attachments as an adult. The results are heartbreaking as these adults often become unable to function in society with mental health issues and many instances of criminal behavior.  Teaching a child how to love and trust is a critical part of a foster parent's job.  Keeping ourselves closed off and separate from our foster kids is truly not an option.  I found it impossible anyway to shut down my mothering instinct.  I was just unable to not respond with love towards a child who needed it so much.
I talk about Diamond a lot in my blog because she is my heartbreak child.  She came to our family at 8 years old and stayed 11 months.  I poured my soul into her and then sent her back to her mother.  Her mother was a recovering alcoholic who worked very hard to fight her addiction.  She earned the right to have her child come home by following her treatment plan and meeting all the goals set by the social worker.  Alcoholism is a lifetime addiction and I knew the risks of Diamond returning home.  The potential risks for Diamond kept me awake at night and I remember holding my hands tightly behind my back when she left my house to keep myself from pulling her back home as she walked away.  Within a month, Diamond and her mother moved to another state and I lost contact with her.  I heard through the grapevine, that Diamond had entered foster care again several years later.  My heart broke all over again that she was in another state and I was unable to help her.  Diamond will be 16 on June 25 and I hope that she has found a home and a family with all my heart. 
Enough of the heartbreak and on to the practical side of things.  When Diamond left my house, I loved her and she loved me.  I taught her not to steal things that she wanted and I taught her how to trust that I would always have food to eat in the house.  She learned how to get along with siblings and treat animals with love.  She learned to swim and I learned how to do her hair (she was biracial and had the most challenging hair I have ever worked with!).  As I look back now, the rewards for her and I far outweighed the heartbreak.  I made a difference in her life and she made a difference in mine. 
Here is my answer to people who say they are unable to face the heartbreak.  When you open your heart to a child in the foster care system, you can change a child's life.  You can show them the power of love and trust.  You can help the child become a true human being.  I hope that I get to see Diamond again and give her one more hug to remind her of the power of love.  I will never forget her love.