Resentment, Frustration and all the Rest of those Negative Feelings

Lately, I have been feeling nothing but frustration with things happening in my house.  Things are in a rut and not moving forward.  One child is having trouble at school, another has dating troubles and if I have to call the social security office one more time this week I am going to scream.  This would be the short list of my frustrations occurring right now in my house.  Sometimes, despite training and experience in parenting, I just don't seem to make in any progress with the kids.  All parents experience frustration and feel like giving up.  Is it any different for a foster parent?  The answer is no, of course not.  However, foster parents are under scrutiny at all times and perception matters.  People tend to see foster parents as angels or devils.  In the media, we are portrayed as child abusers or money grubbers.  People in my community often say, "Oh I could never do that!"  As if I am doing something that is either insane or angelic.  Actually, I don't feel like I fit in either category.  I love my kids.  I celebrate their successes and agonize over their troubles.  I also experience feelings of frustration, anger and resentment.  I get tired of giving.  There are times when I really need a break from the chaos that is in my home.  With six children, I do not have free time.  Rarely is the family television available for something that I might want to watch.  I count free time as time in the car traveling or waiting to pick up a child from an event.  I keep magazines in my care just hoping for a quiet moment of reading.  So, yes, there are times when I have had enough.  Times when I resent all the people around me (even my husband).  I think it is safe to say that I am only human.  However, as a foster parent, others are quick to judge.  My actions are under suspicion at all times as the system needs to watch carefully for signs of abuse.  I understand it, but I don't like it.  I even hesitated to write about the subject but I have always been a person who would rather discuss things rather than sweep them under the rug.  I have days where I love my children beyond description and days where I hate my children beyond description.  Having frustrating days is part of the job description and does not make me a lousy or abusive parent.  If anything, negative feelings make me a better parent in the long run.  They help me recognize problem areas and learn about myself as a person.  So let's look at my frustration list again.  I have now moved the problem student to a new school where his needs can be identified and addressed.    I had a long talk with my daughter dating someone she likes to be with instead of needy boys.  Last of all, I hired a lawyer to deal with social security.  I am going to let someone else deal with that pile of frustration.  I also believe very strongly in attending foster parent support groups.  These are people who are carrying the same bucket of frustration as you are and they can help.  This group is a place where I can talk safely and air my frustrations.  It is a great place for sharing ideas and just talking it out.  Even just sitting and listening in a foster parent support group helps me feel like I am not alone and I can tackle my list of frustrations again.  Then, the next time someone in my house leaves their dirty dishes where they shouldn't, I can just smile and let it go.  Or maybe not!!!!