Discipline Ideas

Discipline is a hot topic my household.  My husband and I have and many discussions over how to discipline our children. Now I should pause here consider if "discussion' is the proper word here.  I could easily insert the words argument, disagreement, or just endless dialog.  Maybe some couples totally agree on the proper technique for discipline but that is just not our style.  We have been married for 25 years and have managed to find some common ground (thank goodness!) but we have discovered that the kids benefit more from our differences than if we just picked one style and stuck with it.  Notice also that this topic is not limited to discipling foster children.  Whether you have foster children, adopted chilldren or biological children in your home, your style should be the same for all. 
I have learned what works for me and my family by trial and error.  My husband is very consistant and never forgets about a punishment he has handed down.  I, on the other hand, have been know to put a child on the naughty spot and forget they are there!  My teenagers know that if they are grounded for a week, there is a 50/50 chance that I won't remember the punshiment by Wednesday.  In self defense, there are six of them and only one of me.  That addes up to a lot of punishments to keep track of.  As a compromise between us, we keep the punishments simple and short.  The younger kids have to sit on the naughty spot.  I stole this concept directly from SuperNanny on television (that woman is a genius by the way).  The naughty spot in our house is the stairway leading to upstairs.  They have to sit there for about 5 minutes, then aplogize for the behavior.  It works really well beause it is short, simple and easy to enforce.  A wiggly child can have the whole stairway to feel naughty in.  I don't care if they are at the top or bottom.  The older kids loose things like a cell phone or gas money.  This eliminates the need for me to keep track of the punishment becasue a teenager won't let me forget that their cell phone has been turned off for one single minute of that long week.  For the record, I did spank my first three biological children but I am proud to say that that form of punishment is long gone in our household.  Spanking usually comes with an emotion like anger or frustration.  Discipline should not be done out of strong emotions but more as a form of teaching and redirecting behavior.  The ultimate goal of discipline should be to change or stop undesirable behavior.  I have learned that the outcome is much more important the punishment itself.  I want my kids to learn that hitting is bad and unacceptable behavior.  If they receive naughty spot time each time hitting happens, they learn not to do it.  Breaking curfew always results in loss of cell phone.  Again they learn not to come home past the appropriate time.  Punishment should always have a purpose or a goal to be effective.  It also needs to be the same each time.  My husband has convinced me that being consistant each time produces results.  Kids understand consistency.  
I think it is important to remember that nobody can make you more angry than your children.  Admit it and then forgive yourself for it.  It is a natural response to someone you love deeply, challenging your authortity or embarrassing you in public.  I have said to all of my kids at one time or another, "I am too angry to talk to you right now".  Then I make them wait until I am calm again.  This is where my husband can help.  Sometimes he is the calm one and can deal with the situation better than when I am all worked up.  Sometimes it is the other way around.  It helps me to have a known punishment in place for any future bad behavior.  I don't have to think about it, I just have to apply it.  My advice boils down to this, do your best, keep your cool, and try, try again.   Raising kids is a journey for parents as well as the kids.