Christmas can be hard for any family both financially and emotionally. Family ties are often stressed by big family get togethers. Toss a foster child into the mix and things can get very interesting. My exteneded family had mixed reactions to the news that I am bringing a foster child to Christmas dinner. One side of the family was welcoming with a "more the merrier!" attitude. Other branches found things to stress about. Should they buy a present for the child? How would the child fit in to the family traditions? My feelings about Christmas for a foster child involve wondering how the Christmas budget was going to fit one more child in. The Department of Human Services provides a generous $25 per child. Yes, that is sarcasm. $25 dollars just doesn't go very far. I love my foster kids and I want to provide a proper Christmas for them. I want to see their eyes light up when they see the stocking filled by Santa. Every child deserves this in my opinion. There are wonderful programs out there to help out families in this situation but often registration is required in October. What about the child in my house who arrived in November? I have three biological children too who are going to have a nice Christmas. I want my foster child to feel loved and included in all of our activities. This is an important time to build trust with the new child in my home. A foster child wonders if they can trust me to treat them the same as I treat my own children. A foster child wants to know if the family loves them and Christmas is the perfect time to show that love and create family bonds. One of my girls told me not to worry about Christmas for her because she was used to not receiving anything. When I questioned her further she told me that her mother told her that she was too naughty to get anything from Santa. My heart breaks over statements like that.
Here is what I do. I find the money from somewhere to give that child a decent Christmas. I bring the child to all my exteneded family gatherings and educate the family on the amazing difference they can make in this child's life. It can be uncomfortable at first but everyone can try and it usually works out well in the end. The payoff for me and for my extended family is when that beautiful little girl looks up from a present and asks, "Is this for me?" followed soon after by, "Can I keep it?" As her eyes shine, everyone in the room can feel the profound effect a real Christmas has had upon this little girl.
I appreciate this as I was looking for info on foster children, biological children and Christmas. There is nothing I can uncover! Our problem is the foster child has ended up with oodles of presents from his family, a sponsor, and CASA. Our extended family also sent him gifts. This leaves me wondering what do I do for our bio kids? Buy extra to make up the difference? Tell them that he just knows more people so he gets more? We have 4 bio and 1 foster so it is expensive anyway to purchase stocking stuffers, Santa, and personal gifts. The ages of the kids are 7,8,9,11 and 13 so they expect SOMETHING. Does equality matter in this? Still scratching my head.
ReplyDeleteHi and thanks for your interest in my blog. I have given this matter some thought and I have a few suggestions. Would you feel comfortable putting some of the gifts away for the foster child's birthday? The donated ones would be perfect for that purpose. Another idea is to involve your bio kids in the giving part. Let them wrap or hide the gifts to increase anticipation. Bio kids do realize that a foster child doesn't have many things to call their own but jealousy still pops up. I would not increase the gifts you already buy because that would get expensive and raise expectations. I hope this helps.
ReplyDeleteHi Kristen,great post! I work for a non-profit foster family association in Canada and I wanted to contact you to ask for permission to reprint this post with a link to your site for our newsletter. I think this would be of value to our foster parents with Christmas approaching. Please contact me to discuss further! Thanks for your time!
ReplyDeleteIt's fantastic that you are getting thoughts from this paragraph as well as from our argument made at this time.
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