Aging Out of the Foster Care System

 In the foster care world, there has been a lot discussion about children aging out of the system. It is a topic that I have stayed away from because it is a difficult for me to wrap my mind around. Aging out is the official term used by professionals to describe a foster care child who has technically become an adult and has been turned loose in the world. Each state has different ages when the child is termed an adult. In Michigan, the laws were changed in the beginning of 2013 to continue supporting a foster child until the age of 21. This was an exciting change for human service providers because it meant that a foster family would be able to continue parenting the child into adulthood. 

My oldest son is 22 years old and is very independent. He is attending a community college certification in auto body repair. He has a part time job in his field already and has a second job on the side at an auto parts store. As you can see, cars are his passion and he is well on his way to supporting himself. I am very proud of how hard he works and how focused he is on his goals. Would he be this successful if his father and I had decided that he didn't need any further parenting on the day he turned 18? Probably not. We continue to support him financially to help him complete his degree. We co-signed on a loan so that he could buy his first car.  His Uncle is in the auto insurance business and gave him his first job. He has worked on cars for years in our garage and used his father's tools to build his love of working on cars. As a mom, I still buy him clothing when I notice that his jeans have become too raggedy for wearing out in public. I question him to make sure he is paying his monthly bills and help him make phone calls when things get challenging. This is what my parents did for me and I believe it to be just another stage of parenting. I can't imagine cutting off parental support at 18 or 21 just because the child has reached "adulthood."

About five years ago, my daughter brought home a young man she had met in high school. His name was Matt and he was very tall. My youngest kids were fascinated by his height and he enjoyed picking them up so they could touch the ceiling. He started hanging out at the house, sleeping over, and eating some food. It was not unusual for my kids to bring home other kids who they thought needed an extra hand or something to eat. Matt fell into this category. When the stray kids start eating at my house, I start asking questions. I learned that Matt was a foster child and his foster family lived and worked at the federal prison that employs many people in my home town. At another meal I learned that he thought his foster family didn't like him very much. When he started showing up at my house during the day, I found out that he liked to skip school and may not graduate on time. At this point, I began to wonder about his foster family. How come they didn't stop him from skipping school. Why was he always spending the night at my house? As graduation neared, I found out that Matt was going to be 18 years old in June and he need a place to live. More questions produced the response that when he turned 18 he was done with foster care and his foster family was going to toss him out. Before I could pursue this problem, Matt was arrested for stealing cars and found a new home in jail for at least a year. I have not heard from him since but I think about him often.

At the time, I didn't realize that what happened to Matt was a common occurrence for foster children who are aging out of the system. These are children that have never been adopted and never sent home to their birth families but have remained in the system for years. Homelessness, jail sentences and criminal behavior are common side effects of their life in the system. I became aware of the problem when I began working as a professional in the field of foster care and found that youth aging out of the system was a common topic at meetings. Things have very recently changed for young adults in the this situation. The first change was continuing foster care support until the age of 21. The second change is an amazing number of new programs designed to help kids in this situation. There are many programs providing support in financial areas, independent living schools, and attending college. Just a few of the programs that I have come across in my work are:  Our House, The Connection,  and CareHouse. There are many more out there. If you would like more information on the services I am aware of, just send me an email. The third change in the system was in permanency planning. The system now works hard to form a permanency plan for a child in the system within one year of becoming a foster child. The child will either return home to his birth family, find a home with relatives, or become available for adoption. This is the most important change that will pay off in the long run. No longer will children just remain in the system for years until they become a statistic in jail or on the street. Foster families are playing a very important role in these changes too.

When I first met Matt, I fell into the trap of judging his foster parents. I wondered why he was running loose in the community with no supervision. I realize now that they were at the end of their rope with Matt and did not know how to help him any longer. His behavior had become unbearable on the rest of the family and there weren't any programs out there to help a child like Matt. His foster family did the best that they could under the circumstances and Matt resisted any attempts to encourage him to change. Looking at my own children, I cannot imagine pushing them out the door on their 18th birthday. They are not ready to be completely independent of the family's love and support yet. Matt's story is a common one and the blame is often placed on the foster home. They are labeled as people who are only in foster care for the money or as people who don't care The real story is that Matt's foster family did care about him and did everything they could to help him. With the changes in the system, foster families are partners with the agency and the birth family to help the child receive the services needed and find a family of their own.  I am glad that there are family's in this State that are willing to open their home's to a child in need and do everything they can to help that child succeed in life. Loving foster families are truly the key to preventing another child from becoming a statistic.

Foster Care and Finances

All is well at my house. Christmas was pretty good, New Year Eve was peaceful and the kids have had three snow days in a row. That means that I don't have to do my crossing guard job in the polar freeze that is happening in Michigan right now. (Yeah me!) We had some bumpy patches during Christmas vacation but on the bizarre scale that I judge my life by nothing caused a great deal of upset. Nobody is in jail, everyone old enough has a job, and we spent some good family time together. That is all I can ask at this point. On one super positive note, my oldest son plowed the driveway everyday this week with his dump truck and his girl friend did the sidewalks. I didn't have to pick up a shovel until the end of the big snow. (Again with the yeah me!) January is usually the month where my mind focuses on the family finances because I am always digging out from the financial avalanche caused by Christmas and tax season is ahead. In my professional life, helping foster parents obtain financial assistance has become a surprising aspect of licensing.

I work with several families who are becoming licensed to be a kinship foster family. A kinship foster family occurs when a member of a family becomes the primary caregiver for another family member's children. Typically it is grandparents fostering their grandchildren, but it can be an aunt, uncle or cousin taking the children into their home.  A kinship foster family is eligible to receive foster care reimbursements from the State of Michigan as a regular foster family would. This is tremendously helpful for retired grandparents who are suddenly shouldering the financial burden that children bring when they may already be retired and out of the work force. These payments are intended to assist with food, housing, and clothing for the children and are an important part of the foster care system. Imagine having a ten year old suddenly move into your house. The child will immediately need clothing (because they rarely come with more than a few days worth of clothes) and school supplies right away. A ten year old is another mouth at the table and the grocery bill is going to go up. Add in doctor appointments and visitation with the birth parents and your gas bill has skyrocketed. A baby or a toddler is even more expensive with the necessities of diapers and formula. Finances for a foster family can get tight very quickly. Kinship families also need to go through the licensing process which can take up to six months. Once the license is official, reimbursements can begin and things get easier.  When my husband and I were exploring the idea of becoming foster parents, he was very concerned about the financial side of things. We were both willing to provide for a child who may return home but we did not have buckets of money sitting around waiting to be spent on a needy child. I was a stay at home mom and we were living on one income. An important piece of information that every foster parent needs to know is that will take up to six weeks for the flow of money from the State to get going. This information did not come up at any of the training sessions we attended and caused a lot of frustration.  Kinship families are looking at a much longer wait because of the licensing process.  This information would not have dampened my desire to become a foster parent, but it would have helped me plan better. So I am sharing it with you and underlining it so that you don't miss it.

My husband and I look at children very differently.  Once I have a child in my home and in my arms, money does not enter my head.  I think that when a child comes through our door that my husband can see dollar signs floating above the child's head.  The younger the child, the more dollar signs are there.  I am mocking my husband affectionately because his skill at budgeting enables us to share our home with children in need.  We had one little guy who was about 5 years old arrive on the Saturday of Memorial Day weekend.  He was an emergency placement because he was one of five siblings and there were no homes with enough beds available to accommodate the entire sibling group.  Many foster families were full or on vacation because of the holiday.  So the social worker quickly located three homes and split the group up until other arrangements could be made. This child arrived in a very dirty state with wet shoes and no clothing.  His shoes smelled so bad that I knew they needed to be thrown away.  Usually, I like to let a child feel more at home before we tackle the challenges of bathing.  However, this child needed a bath immediately and clean clothing to wear afterwords.  Luckily, I had some clothing that was close to his size and we made due. Here is another valuable tip, always have some extra clothing around in various sizes for an emergency. Sweat pants, t-shirts and pajamas are some of the best to keep on hand.  I did not have any shoes in his size so I sent my husband down to the store to purchase some.  The little guy left our home three days later in new shoes and with several changes of clothing that he was comfortable in.  This is not an unusual scenario in the foster care world and can create quite a financial drain on foster families.

Another issue that pops up from time to time in the newspaper are families who claim to be loving foster families when they are in fact a group home and just in the business to earn money.  These are people who take in more children than they can possibly care for.  We have all read these kinds of stories with over-sized families where a child is abused or neglected and the family is accused of just taking in children for the State money.  This really does happen and both the family and the agency that allows it are at fault.  The downside is that good foster families who just want to help a child are stereotyped into this category and it discourages new families from signing up to foster.  When I am training new families, I tell them that there is no way to make money from taking in foster children if you are doing it correctly.  A child has needs and the amount the State pays is just enough to cover those needs.

If you are thinking about becoming a foster parent, I recommend that you ask questions and do some research to learn about the financial impact on your family.  Visit the Department of Human Services website in your state to find out what the daily rate is for foster families.  Ask your licensing worker about day care costs, clothing allowances, and medical care.  A good agency will also be able to refer you to local programs where you can get gently used clothes and children's furniture at low cost or free.  Foster families automatically qualify for food stamps and WIC to help with food and formula costs.  It is important that foster families use these programs to prevent financial strain on personal finances.   I will be honest and share that my husband was very uncomfortable accepting food stamps from the government.  However, at one point, we had three foster children in our home and they all needed three meals a day.  So I went down and applied for the assistance.  We both learned that food stamps enabled us to better help the children in our home.  I learned to be proud of the fact that we were a foster family helping children who had already suffered more than any child should.  I found that when more people knew what we did, that more help would often arrive unasked for.  Many people donated clothing, some provided scholarships for extra curricular activities, and some babysat for us.  I did not go around wearing a sign and begging for help.  I just was just honest about the children in our home and the word spread through the community.

I want other families to be able to welcome a foster child into their home and not have to worry about the financial strain .  I hope by sharing my knowledge that I can make another family's foster care journey a little easier.